We often face situations beyond our control. Instead of getting caught up in frustration, we can learn one of the Stoic principles: to accept these circumstances with calmness and wisdom. Let’s explore how Stoicism, beyond its rich history, offers us practical tools for this.
Stoic Techniques to Handle the Inevitable
Active Differentiation Between What is in Our Control and What is Not
Take a moment to analyze the situations you encounter. Ask yourself, “Is this within my control?” If the answer is no, focus your energy on how you can adapt and respond constructively. This is perhaps the foundation of practical Stoicism: understanding that there are things we cannot control or change, accepting them, and responding with what we can change or adapt.
There’s a derivative of this principle popular among those struggling with addiction, known as the Serenity Prayer.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
— The Serenity Prayer
Let me give you two examples to illustrate this in practice: the first is when we’re using public transportation or driving and experience delays. Can we do anything about it? Our only option would be not to travel; so if we want or need to get somewhere, we must accept that these things happen and adapt. Suffering or feeling anxious won’t make the bus arrive any sooner…
In fact, just 150 or 200 years ago (nothing in historical terms), we likely would have had to make that same trip by horse, carriage, or on foot. Waiting 10 minutes or even an hour due to traffic is minimal by comparison.
The second example is more difficult, and we’ll cover it in greater detail, but it’s relevant for practicing acceptance and one of the most important Stoic principles: the person you love most in the world will die. You will die. You may know this well but not want to think about it. However, ignoring it won’t prevent it. Your distress, tears, or suffering won’t stop anyone from dying. So, beyond the drama, what are you doing with this information? Do you tell your loved ones that you love them? Are you kind to those who are suffering? Are you just in life and balanced so that, when you’re gone, the world might be a slightly better place?
Daily Reflection to Foster Acceptance
Spend a few minutes each day reflecting on events and your reactions. Consider how acceptance can transform your outlook. Keeping a journal can be a useful tool here. The idea is to identify what hurts us, where our strengths lie, how we improve the world or the lives of those around us, and how we can avoid letting anger or hatred dominate our lives. If there are patterns or behaviors we repeat—like getting angry because the train is late—tracking these moments and trying to change them will improve our lives.
Practicing Objective Perspective
When facing a challenge, try viewing it from an external perspective, as if it weren’t directly involving you. This Stoic principle can help you reduce emotional burdens and find more effective solutions. I often think, “What would xxx do in this situation?” Sometimes I think of my father, other times of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, my grandfather, or a professional role model. To do this properly, it’s essential to understand the following: their solution may not be the best for us, and at times, we may “lose” by making the “right decision.” But, as Dumbledore says: “… we must choose between what is right and what is easy.”
Preparatory Visualization
This point may spark some debate because positive visualization and “mind power” are popular concepts that rely on attitude shifts reflected in someone who sets a goal and works towards it. However, Stoic principles focus on preparing for the worst—not wishing for it, but being prepared.
Imagine possible future challenges and how you might respond to them with calmness and acceptance. This technique, known as “premeditation of evils,” strengthens mental resilience. Think of it as the mental equivalent of lifeboats.
Exercise in Gratitude
Focus on what you have instead of what you lack. Practicing gratitude daily is another Stoic principle that can increase your capacity for acceptance and emotional well-being. This type of exercise is often taken out of context, as if it’s about suffering, but that’s not the case.
For example, I find fasting helpful in practicing gratitude. How? By going 12 or 14 hours without eating, only drinking water, and before eating again, thinking, “How fortunate I am to choose when to eat or not.” The same goes for cold showers: I occasionally shower in cold water and think, “How lucky I am to have so many conveniences.”
Gratitude works on many levels; when a tornado hit my city weeks ago, I was without electricity or running water for seven days, bathing with water heated in a pot. In the dark, I was still grateful that this wasn’t my “normal,” and that these practices made that hard time (neighbors had it far worse) manageable.
I hope these basic techniques help you prepare for big challenges or combat daily frustrations. Stoicism, among other things, teaches us that true acceptance is an act of empowerment. By accepting what we cannot change and actively working on what we can, we open the path to a more harmonious and fulfilling life.
